I just cried and cried. Nobody could help me. I just felt as though I was going to die.
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- JanOctober, 1996
It is now a couple of months since I last spoke to you. I have been rushed into hospital had an operation, been back at work, been flat out, and never forgotten that I promised to write to you and tell you how things are going and that if you needed a success story, however you felt like using it. I feel that I would like to help others and especially yourself for all that you have done for me.
Before I start, I have recently spoken to two different doctors surgeries and also a client from home and family telling them all about you, and I will give you their names and addresses when we make contact so that you can send them any information that they can use to get their patients to come and see you.
My own GP is Helene Winter, of west tamaki rd, Glen Innes surgery, and would appreciate any information that you have as she really thinks what you have done for me is in fact amazing.
The only thing that I cannot do is use the names of the places I used to work, and especially where I am now. Mainly due to the privacy act thing, and also, I guess because I have such a lot of staff working for me, it would be best to just use my first name.
I had my first panic attack at the age of 17 and can honestly say my life was never normal for over 20 years after that. To put it in perspective, I would say I had a total loss of enjoyment of normal life....if there is such a thing these days. Until I had my life back (by your teachings), I had not realised just how bad things were.
Looking back the list is endless: excuses for not going to any social outings, parties, dinners, meetings, restaurants, in fact anywhere there were more than half a dozen people. Not riding on buses, flying in aeroplanes, not going to the movies, the theatre, not being comfortable in shops and especially shopping centres.
ONLY REALLY FEELING SAFE AT HOME!!!!!
I had resigned from so many jobs, it was an art form...I never lacked for experience, my knowledge of my chosen career is excellent...the main problem was FEAR, and that caused me to become almost agoraphobic and end up on the dole. I know the the things that helped me most about your teachings, but do not know whether it would be those specifics that would assist others.
I now hold down a very high powered job, I have over 50 staff and no problems wondering if I will have a panic attack. The feeling of control that I have back in my life makes the last 20 years seem incredible. I could never walk into a room and say 3 sentences to more than 2 people with out feeling so conspicous that I had sweat pouring off me. I would do anything not to have to be put under pressure.
I now have no problem taking up to a dozen people in a classroom situation and talking to them in a training situation for hours. I don't care whether anything I am using breaks down, whatever happens, I can cope. It seems laughable that what I used to dread the most, I now couldn't give 2 stuffs if everything went wrong.
Another thing that tells me that I am really cured is that when someone used to suggest I went somewhere with them and perhaps a group, I had to be prepared. First I would make every excuse in the book not to go...then it was trips to the toilet, emergency everything packed in case something went wrong, spare headache pills, loo paper, you name it. Now I jump in and do anything. Who cares when we will be back. I don't go to the toilet, afterall, there are toilets in this world. I don't even take a handbag, I have been known to be out all day with not even 50c or a lipstick. Perhaps it's my way of saying I'm cured... If I can help anyone out, count me in...
It just has to fit around my very busy schedule... And I'm proud to say that until less than 12 months ago, I could never ever have said that.
All my love